Where have all the flowers gone?

Where have all the flowers gone? Remember the old folk song by that title? I liked it, not really knowing at the time what it really meant or that it was a protest song, I just liked it. But since last year, I have been asking myself the same question, where have all the flowers gone in my life. I became really ill last fall. So ill in fact, I had to go on disability in October and am still on disability.

I ultimately had to leave the church where the Lord had my wife and I ministering, in fact I became very isolated, only wanting to be with my immediate family, and that was even a stretch sometimes. Through this illness, I lost friends, my position, my job, ministry, and really the way I was viewing it, the purpose for even being here on earth! Because of the financial situation, we had to sell things to pay the bills. At the time I purchased the things we sold I was convinced that we really needed them, (but found out that were more of a desire then a need). Our hope was also gone. Hope is such a powerful motivator and lack of hope can literally destroy you. That's why the enemy keeps whispering in your ear "there is no hope for you, you will lose everything". It's an awful feeling when hope slips through your fingers and you can't grab a hold of it no matter how hard you try. I was thinking two things, either this a terrible attack by the enemy, or the Lord was letting me literally, walk through the "valley of the shadow of death." You see, for a while the doctors thought I might have Lou Gehrig s disease which can be fast moving and ultimately leads to death. I reached a point this last June where I had resolved myself to that fact that if this illness was God's will, for me then I was willing to accept it, we even had a family meeting to discuss it. But after seeing many, many doctors and going to Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan to see a world renown neurologist, praise the Lord, they have ruled out Lou Gehrig's Disease, but the doctors are still searching for what has been making me so ill.

Through this time however, the Lord has taught me many things and has provided abundantly for my family. We have seen Him work miracles in our life. He has provided for me and my family as His Word tells us He will. You see I was in the "valley of the shadow of death" but I was putting faith and hope in the doctors hands, not having the faith it takes to say that He was with me and letting His rod and staff comfort me. I will look back on this as a time in the desert. There are few flowers in the desert, but in the desert God can get your attention and bring you to a point where He wants you to be. Utterly and completely dependent on Him. A place where there are flowers, life, joy, hope, love, In fact all of the fruits of the Spirit, it's God's process of tempering you and making you all that He wants you to be so you can be better used my Him.

I have found a wonderful fellowship where every week, the Pastor's message seems like it is just for us, from the mouth of God to our ears. The Lord has given me the opportunity to preach once a month at Transformation Life Center (TLC) a resident center for transforming men with addictions to become all that He wants them to be. It is a tremendous blessing to see these men be transformed, right before your eyes. Both of these things are flowers for me.

Someone reading this blog, might be or has been in that desert wondering for a long time how they were going to get out of it. The key is in putting your trust in Jesus Christ and turning your whole life over to God.

Hopefully, as the Lord leads, I will be posting again to this blog soon to give you insights to what God has done and continues to do in my daily walk with Him.

Grace and Peace